Countdown to the airplane!

We are off to visit one of my good friends in Buffalo on August 2nd. Faith is sooo excited about riding on an airplane - she doesn't give a patooty about seeing my friend and her kids, going to Niagra Falls, or anything else! It's all about the plane ride!!

The Same Place

Dan and I sat down last night after Faith went to bed and really talked through all of our options about how to procede with the adoption plans. It has been so crazy around here lately that we haven't been able to find the time to really listen to each other and make sure we both understood what the other person was saying. It was so nice to feel connected again. Sometimes life is so hurried that we forget to take the time to really listen to each other. I feel a lot better about everything today. I was feeling so torn and so much like I've been on a rollercoaster for years - and Dan feels exactly the same way. When we took the time to tell each other what we were feeling and really listen, we found that we are in the same place. And that feels very good.

A Possibility

We had an email from our adoption social worker this weekend. Our agency is working with an online listing of waiting parent profiles (http://www.parentprofiles.com/). We can join for just a (fairly significant) monthly fee - but because of our agency connection, we don't have to pay listing or sign up fees. It might be a really good idea. It would definitely increase our visibility beyond Wisconsin and Upper Michigan. We can list our social worker as the contact person. I actually think it would be kind of fun to create the profile and I've certainly had the experience after creating this blog and a classroom blog and a classroom wiki this summer.

On the downside, there is the monthly cost. It's not impossible to find the dollars, but it would mean some changes. Of course, adding another child to our family would also involve some changes! We could end up with an interstate adoption - meaning figuring out two (or more) states adoption laws, travel and possibly a long stay in another state, and a myriad of other things some of which I'm not even sure of!

We'd actually looked at this site last year but decided not to go forward as there were very few waiting families from Wisconsin and none with our agency. Now that our agency is involved ... I'm not sure what to do. Dan is even less sure. I think we need to think and pray a bit before we make a decision. Which is not something we've had time to do this weekend with all of our extended family chaos and committments. But that is another story.

Conflicted

Conflicted is a good word for how I feel today. Or maybe jealous. I just had an email from a friend letting us know that she and her husband have matched with a birthmom and barring complications should bring baby home in August. I'm so happy for them, but so sad for us.

We started our adoption process by attending an introductory meeting at our agency about domestic and international adoption when Faith was two. Our agency works on a lottery system for acceptance into the domestic infant program which is what we decided we wanted. We filled out the paperwork - and weren't accepted. So we applied again in six months when the next lottery was held - and weren't accepted. Two more tries, two more misses. We almost didn't apply the next time - we were getting so down about not being selected for the program we really liked. But I'm glad we did, because we were accepted as the alternate family. This meant we had to wait six months to start (unless one of the other families dropped out) but were guaranteed to start six months later.

Six months later we went through our two and half day adoption education class. We learned a lot but were really anxious to get things going. We wrote our "Dear Birthparents" letter, created a portfolio, filled out TONS of paperwork, completed our home study, and we all set to go. And then the wait began. More later...

Scared ... by mom

I'm trying to decide if I was a good mom or a bad mom yesterday. Dan and Faith went bike riding in a big park near us on Saturday and he happened to mention that she walked along a trail for awhile where he couldn't see her. I oh so casually managed to say, "Oh really?" To which he replied, "Yeah, I was kind of thinking that wasn't such a good idea."

I had to restrain myself from answering him, "YOU THINK!!!!!"

We then calmly talked and decided that we needed to reinforce the "within eyesight" rule with Faith for public spaces...something she has never really liked to follow. This is the child who delighted in escaping from me at stores and hiding within the circular clothing racks while I went, "Faith! Faith! I know you're hiding - where are you?" in an increasingly panicked tone. And then she would pop out and yell "SURPRISE!" and we would promptly leave the store for a talk in the car.

So... on the way to church on Sunday, I seemed to have found the perfect opportunity to revist this policy. And managed to scare the be-jeebees out of my daughter. All I did say that her dad and I needed to be able to see her, so we could help her if something bad happened. You know, like falling down and getting hurt, having a bully come up to you, be grabbed by a child molestor, or otherwise needing us in some way.

She was really quiet on the rest of the way to church and then was showing VERY poor church behavior - of which I know she knows better. I thought might be because I was sitting with the two of them instead of singing in the choir (summer break) but no she was mad at me for scaring her and this was how she choose to tell me! Words convey so much more clearly what's going on - how was I supposed to put together that sassy mouth and refusing to things she's asked meant that she was scared and wanted a hug?

So ... good mom or bad mom? I can't decide.

Far Away Friends

I had a great night last night. I met one of my best friends ever just to hang out. She lives in Buffalo and doesn't get home but once a year. You wouldn't think that bra shopping and going to Costco could make for a fun evening, but when you're with a best bud - anything can be fun!

It's interesting about people that you meet in life. Some people are super close to you for awhile and then they drift away; while other people are always in your life whether they live near or far. I wonder if technology makes it easier to stay connected to people or if it just fosters more superficial feelings of connectedness? Can you really be "friends" with all 300 people you might be linked to on Facebook or Myspace?

I have a few close friends that have been in my life since elementary school. No matter how far apart we've lived, we've been connected and a part of each other's lives. Over the years I've added and subtracted to my friend base but that base has always been there for me. Just wanted to say to all of you - it's appreciated!