Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Thursday, May 13, 2010
So what can we do as parents to acknowledge Joy's birthmother and help Joy to understand just how much she did love her?
I've been thinking about getting involved with Elizabeth House. It's an organization for pregnant women who want to either parent or place for adoption. I think it might just be a way to honor Joy's birthmother. It seems the least I can do.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
It was our social worker. Her first words were - Do you have some time? and You might want to sit down. She told me about a little girl who had been born just two days previously and her birthmother wanted to place her for adoption, but did not want to choose the family. We were the longest waiting family with our agency in the entire state - if we wanted her, she would be ours. She told us a little bit more information - the baby was caucasian, full term, and birthmom had been drug and alcohol free throughout her pregnancy.
I said I would call her back after I talked to Dan. One quick phone call to him - one call back to her and we were going to be parents again!
The baby was being brought from her birth county to ours that afternoon and her social worker would like to meet us at the bridge care foster family's house when she brought the baby. That would be about three hours after the first phone call.
I told lots of people at work about our new after school plans, but waited to tell Faith until the school day was actually over otherwise she would have gotten nothing done - you're welcome Mrs. H! When she came down to my classroom after school I was talking with a friend of ours (she's a sub in our building and the mom of one of Faith's best friends). I told Faith to come over and sit down and my friend said, I'll shut the door on my way out.
Faith's first words were "Am I in trouble?" - finding out she was going to be a big sister was WAAAY better than getting in trouble!
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
My pregnancy with Faith was complicated and I was told by my wonderful ob-gyn that most of my complications would like be repeated in further pregnancies. At the time, we weren't thinking of more children we were just enjoying the one we had. As she grew, we came to realize that we wanted another child. Dan and I both have siblings and love that relationship. Neither one of us was looking forward to another experience of Julie being pregnant but thought we'd try to get pregnant AND explore adoption.
We had heard great things about our agency from other families and went to an orientation meeting. They went through the process for both international and domestic. We talked and chose domestic - only problem was that so many people wanted to adopt domestically that our agency used a lottery system to determine which families could join the program. We entered the lottery and weren't chosen. We kept this up for four more attempts, six months apart for each. Finally on our fifth attempt we were the alternate family!
As the alternate family, we were guaranteed a start in January 2006 or sooner if one of regular families opted out or was screened out. So we kept on waiting. That January we attended adoption classes and completed tons of paperwork. By March of 2006 we were paperwork ready - our portfolio was done and birthmothers could start looking at our family as a possible forever family for her child.
Things were quiet for awhile - not unexpected, we were at the end of a line of waiting adoptive families as our agency lists families from longest waiting to newest waiting and operates under a birthmother choice system. Every March we would receive the paperwork to renew our homestudy and update our information. Every March we did. There were a few times that a birthmother selected our family as one of her "short list" to see portfolios but we were never the family she selected as her match. We would get emails from our agency asking if we would be open to a birthmother with this situation or that situation. At the beginning, we were pretty choosy and didn't say yes every time. By the end, we were starting to feel "why not?" since no one seemed to pick us anyway.
In the mean time, nothing was happening in the let's get pregnant option and it seemed like every one we knew was expanded their family. My sister completed two international adoptions in the time we were waiting. My high school friend adopted her son internationally. Another high school friend had her third child. My sister-in-law and her sister both had babies. Another friend married and gained instant step-children. We were starting to feel that maybe we were getting too old, that our family would be complete with just one child. Faith didn't really need to have the sibling relationship - she was super close to her cousins - that's almost the same.
So we were up to our fourth renewal, to start our fifth year of waiting for a child. When the paperwork came, I just put it aside. We weren't ready to think about it. Dan and I talked, and talked, and thought, and prayed, and talked some more. It finally came down to that we weren't quite ready to say with our whole hearts "We are done. Our family is complete." So we sent back the paperwork at the end of March when I had the time to complete it over spring break.
Our social worker knew of our concerns and said she was glad that we had decided to continue. Then came the fateful day of Tuesday, April 13, 2010.
to be continued
Saturday, May 1, 2010
They Are Lucky They Are Cute
April 29, 2010
I went outside this afternoon and saw this scene.
I didn’t do it, Mom.
Notice her paint covered hand hanging at her side.
That isn’t my hand print. That hand doesn’t even have a thumb!
Who doesn’t have a thumb that could have done this?
Well, I don’t know everything!