Conflicted

Conflicted is a good word for how I feel today. Or maybe jealous. I just had an email from a friend letting us know that she and her husband have matched with a birthmom and barring complications should bring baby home in August. I'm so happy for them, but so sad for us.

We started our adoption process by attending an introductory meeting at our agency about domestic and international adoption when Faith was two. Our agency works on a lottery system for acceptance into the domestic infant program which is what we decided we wanted. We filled out the paperwork - and weren't accepted. So we applied again in six months when the next lottery was held - and weren't accepted. Two more tries, two more misses. We almost didn't apply the next time - we were getting so down about not being selected for the program we really liked. But I'm glad we did, because we were accepted as the alternate family. This meant we had to wait six months to start (unless one of the other families dropped out) but were guaranteed to start six months later.

Six months later we went through our two and half day adoption education class. We learned a lot but were really anxious to get things going. We wrote our "Dear Birthparents" letter, created a portfolio, filled out TONS of paperwork, completed our home study, and we all set to go. And then the wait began. More later...